Love and Marriage: A Playlist

Cue “What Is Love?”

My Perspective on Love and Marriage

When it comes to love and marriage in Western society, I believe the two main drivers are economic benefits and public proclamation of commitment/love. Today, love is often the leading force behind marriage, but here’s my take: a solid, loving partnership doesn’t need marriage to prove itself. Fulfillment in a relationship means different things to different people, and that’s okay.

I believe it’s important to have a strong sense of self and independence before sharing your life with someone. Partnerships bring change, but they can also foster mutual growth. Some people thrive through interdependence, building something stronger together, while others need to stand firm on their own first. But building a withstanding relationship requires reciprocation, communication, empathy, and grace—aspects that could make any model of marriage work if done right.

Cue "All or Nothing at All"

The “All or Nothing” Dating Culture

In the digital age, people have a sense of “all or nothing” when dating and considering marriage. Those in generations before us married for convenience, economic prospects, or chose their life partner because they were “good enough”.

Though today, while our options are limitless, we marry for love—to find a soulmate, someone to fulfill all our needs.

As psychotherapist Esther Perel says, “We come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide.” It’s a thought-provoking difference and puts into perspective all aspects and areas in our lives that can provide satisfaction and makes us ask the question: what all do I want to ask of my partner?

I believe this new “all or nothing” form of marriage has potential to be beneficial if it is mutually agreed upon and approached with a certain nuance or delicacy. Eli J. Finkel, author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage, professor, and guest on “When Did Marriage Become So Hard?” describes it perfectly, jumping straight to the top of Mount Maslow, expecting everything without putting in the work, is a surefire way to run out of air. There is a high risk-high reward balance with the “all or nothing” model, but both/all partners need to be active facilitators of the relationship and purposeful in their decisions.

The truth is, this model isn’t always practical. It puts immense pressure on the other person to meet expectations that may not be realistic or sustainable. Relationships naturally go through highs and lows, and without grace and patience, the “all or nothing” mindset can lead to unnecessary conflict. Still, this modern approach is a step up from past models where love and sentimentality weren’t even part of the equation.

Cue Queen’s” (When’s the right time to find) Somebody to Love”-- because timing matters.

Marriage: Then and Now

The couples in today’s digital age are waiting much longer to get married. While our grandparents may have met and married by 22, most people now wait until their late 20s or beyond, when their brains (and hopefully their priorities) are fully developed.

This extra time allows for self-discovery and exploration, giving people a chance to learn about their needs and wants before committing. I believe it can lead to clearer communication, better-defined boundaries, and the wisdom to walk away when something isn’t right.

But the boundless options of modern dating can also make choosing a partner overwhelming. Some people date with long-term intentions, carefully vetting each relationship. Others, like me, might take a more passive approach, hoping the right connection finds them.

There’s also the infamous “Taxi Theory,” where men date casually until they’re “ready” to commit, marrying the first person who comes along when they stick their thumb out. On the flip side, women are often accused of being too picky, held back by a laundry list of “icks” and turn-offs.

Whether you are cherry picking your significant other or waiting to decide to marry, the window of when we make that choice is much wider than it used to be.

Cue "Balance of Love"

Finding the Balance

I believe it’s good to have strong convictions and expectations for the person you want to share your life with. However, waiting for the “perfect” partner isn’t always realistic. The idea of a “one true love” is nice for sentimentality, but it shouldn’t guide your entire approach to dating and relationships.

Giving yourself the time to grow independently can loosen the reliance on a partner to fulfill all your needs. A strong partnership should complement your life, not complete it.

Cue "My Love"

this cover looks like such a jump scare, sorry if JT scared you.

Where I Stand

For me, love and marriage aren’t about rushing or fitting into a timeline. I value the importance of a deep, sentimental connection, whether it’s in a marriage or another form of partnership. With so many options out there, I don’t feel the need to hurry.

That said, the internet makes it hard not to compare. Seeing everyone else’s relationships online can increase expectations, lead us to romanticize, and put a lot of value and priority in finding a relationship.

And yes, sometimes I get envious as well and yearn for that deep and meaningful type of connection, but for now, I’m content with my journey, knowing that when it’s time, love will find its way.

Cue your next track:

• Modern Romance - NEVE

• Love Today - MIKA

• Modern Love - All Time Low

• Digital Love - Daft Pank

• My Love (again because it's a banger)