Why Can't I Get a Call Back? Navigating the Digital Ocean

Love and Communication in the Digital Age

In the mobile age, how is it that I can’t get a call back? The vast majority of younger generations prefer a casual text to a phone call. I believe this is, in part, because we weren’t raised with landlines. We never had to answer the phone on behalf of the household, take messages, or make calls without knowing who was on the other end. By the time I was 10 or 11 and needed an easier way to contact my parents, cellphones were widely accessible, and I never had to remember another number again.

My earliest memories of texting make me think of my Motorola flip phone, which I loved snapping shut dramatically after I got calls (which I didn't get—I was 10). Later, I had a blue Samsung with a full keyboard, and I prided myself on how fast I could type with my chubby little kid fingers. But with all the confidence I had in texting, phone calls have always felt… different. Even now, I struggle to take or make a call unless I really know the person, and even then, I appreciate a heads-up.

Phone Anxiety and Digital Communication

This phone call anxiety has carried over into dating as well. In Modern Romance, Aziz Ansari explores how people navigate love in a digital world. One discussion in his book hit home for me—his focus group’s conversation about the stress of receiving phone calls from romantic interests. I felt so seen. A surprise call? Immediate anxiety.

That’s what made my most recent breakup so jarring. It happened over the phone—a first for me. At first, I thought, This is odd. He’s never called me before. But I was just happy to hear his voice. Then, when I realized what the call was for, I was less happy—haha. Looking back, though, I’m grateful he had the courage to break up with me that way. I could hear his tone of voice, process the conversation in real time, and respond semi-naturally without the pressure of being in person or the stress of crafting the perfect text. It was tough, but compared to the alternative—getting a breakup text—it felt more real.

The Erosion of Spontaneous Conversation

But moments like that are rare. MIT social psychologist Sherry Turkle, whom Ansari references in Modern Romance, argues that younger generations are losing the ability to hold spontaneous conversations due to our reliance on text-back communication. I think this is true, and our increasing shift to virtual interactions has only made it worse.

Somehow, despite the stress of making a phone call, texting isn’t much easier. We now have the added challenge of analyzing messages, inferring tone, and attempting to seem charming through words alone. And let’s be real—while our generation is well-spoken, we’re not exactly texting poets. I felt especially called out by Ansari’s discussion on the struggles of dating through text.

As someone with minimal dating experience, the whole process is daunting. I constantly find myself overanalyzing messages, trying to figure out what the other person really means. And then, of course, there’s the infamous “waiting game”—when to send the next text, who gets the last word. I hate this game. I always worry about seeming too eager, and yet, I still fall into the cycle—waiting twice as long before replying or holding back from double-texting when I get radio silence. It feels ridiculous. I’d much rather connect in person.

The Modern Dating Dilemma

And that brings me to another challenge.

With dating apps and online connections dominating modern romance, it’s harder than ever to meet people casually. It feels like you either have to become the most socially outgoing person in every room or surrender to an algorithm to match you with someone.

But online dating isn’t as effortless as it seems. Many platforms let you swipe through profiles, cherry-picking the best option based on a few curated details. This approach has its downsides—Columbia University professor Sheena Iyengar argues that too many choices can lead to “lazy, ill-advised decisions.” Online dating feels more like romantic partner shopping—or at the very least, your next hookup. That’s one of the many reasons I don’t use dating apps. Like Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and Match.com advisor, I’d rather meet people in person and trust my brain as the best algorithm.

The Digital Dating Ocean

That said, there are opportunities in the virtual dating sphere. If your goal is simply to meet more people, online dating expands your options exponentially. The internet has transformed the dating pool into an ocean—full of reefs and schools of fish at every turn. According to eharmony.com, users can “explore 30-50 different romantic prospects in an hour,” and their numbers are trending toward half a billion.

In the online ocean, options are limitless—as long as you have the courage to withstand the currents and "give me call back when you can, thanks!"